Therapist profile: Derek Clark

From time to time I will be interviewing therapist colleagues with various specializations and backgrounds. The purpose of these interviews is to contribute to public education so that therapy clients can be better equipped to find an approach and therapist that suits their unique challenges.

Derek Clark and I originally met through the psychedelic assisted therapy training program held by the Multidisciplinary Association for Psychedelic Studies (MAPS). We have been long-time collaborators, and we share a deep interest in mindfulness based work, including Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy.

Derek is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker (LCSW) in the states of Virginia and Massachusetts. He works in private practice via telehealth in both states, and you can learn more about his practice here.

Ellis Kim: Derek, let our readers know a bit about how you became a therapist. 

Derek Clark: It was a nontraditional path. I completed my undergraduate education in Information Systems and Operations Management which led to a career in business systems design for federal contractors in the Washington D.C. area.  I worked on developing early biometric matching systems for the Department of Defense, as well as enterprise architecture for the Department of Veteran Affairs to improve their benefits systems. While I enjoyed the technical aspects of the work, my experience felt disconnected from meaningful human interactions. Often, I felt like my work was undervalued, and that at the worst of times, I was trading my time for money with no significant purpose behind my work. It was not that the missions were unimportant, it was that many of the contract deliverables were simply check boxes on a contract and not being utilized. I found this leading to a sense of disillusionment, and depression due to my lack of purpose. I had always been curious about mental health, both from my own challenges with ADD, and depression, as well as witnessing friends and family members struggle with mood disorders, addiction, and suicide. I knew I needed a change, and I wanted to do something to help others in this space, but it seemed like a radical shift from the comfort of a stable job in a well-paying career to starting over in a field I had no experience in. I felt lost, and needed a catalyst to empower me to shift my identity. Around this same time I heard about something called Ayahuasca which people described as “40 years of therapy in a night.”  Leaders in business, technology, entrepreneurs, journalists, professional athletes, and other well respected individuals shared transformational experiences in the Amazon rainforest that piqued my interest. This led me to doing my research, and finding a retreat that was highly reviewed, and appeared to have great results from everyone who attended. In 2014, I traveled to Peru and had a life changing experience that catapulted me into my new life as a psychotherapist. Soon afterwards I began graduate school to become a therapist, started training as a yoga teacher, began practicing Brazilian jiu jitsu, and working with people struggling from addiction, and trauma.  I learned that Ayahuasca is not a panacea, but it does act like a compass that can point you in the right direction. It takes daily practice and dedication to stay on that path. For me, yoga, meditation, martial arts, therapy, connection with others, and constant introspection help me continue to build a life worth living. My work sharing these learnings with others, and helping them heal gives me purpose that I never had before. 

EK: In my experience, I’ve always felt that you were a sort of kindred spirit to me in the therapist community. When we speak, regardless of the topic or challenge I bring up, I always feel like what you say is original and derived from experience, whether personal or clinical. I have never seen you sharing “common wisdoms” without personal examination. From your side, I’m curious what the experience of our connecting and collaborating over the years has been like.

DC: In my experience, this is the benefit of coming to therapy as a second career.  Both you and I had lived a lot of life “in the real world” working jobs that were oriented around abstraction, and far removed from what it means to be human at the core level. I find most people work in jobs that are a means to an end. With the majority of life going towards a career that does not feel purposeful, you and I have felt first hand what that feels like. We don’t need to imagine what it might be like for our clients, we have lived it to some degree and our compassionate inquiry can help fill in the blanks.  I also find that you and I share an analytical mind that is solution-focused, but that through our experiences we have seen the benefits of honest emotional reflection, and connection.  I believe we have walked similar journeys to reconnect to our emotional selves, and are well positioned to help others who have lived a life disconnected from their bodies, and in their heads.  I have always appreciated your curiosity, openness, and critical thinking which allows for honest exploration through a modified scientific method.  Additionally, I have always been a skeptical person, not wanting to be taken advantage of, or seen as gullible. I want to try things for myself and see if it works. This is why many somatic practices (e.g., breathwork, cold exposure, yoga, nature hikes, jiu jitsu, bodyscans, parts work, etc…) have resonated with me, because I can feel them working both in the moment and afterwards. I have also noticed the power of mindsets, and mindfulness in my own life. I never want to be a hypocrite, so I tend to shy away from recommendations that I have not found benefit from myself. However, I know that I cannot live everyone’s experience, and I want to be able to help people who have different challenges than myself. This is where I encourage people to try things that have been helpful for many others, and see what they find. I do not believe in a one-size-fits-all approach. I believe everyone has unique needs, and that therapy is an artform that requires tailoring your approach to meet those needs of the person in front of you. 

EK: What approaches and traditions most influenced you as a therapist? You have significant background in practices including jiu jitsu, yoga, and mindfulness meditation. How - if at all - do these backgrounds affect your practice of psychotherapy?

DC: These practices are at the core of my work as a psychotherapist. They all have taught me how to be intensely present. Connecting with others requires presence. Being able to hold space, without judgment, while maintaining curiosity to explore. By feeling confident and calm in the presence of others who don’t feel comfortable or safe in their own bodies, I can provide co-regulation that lets their nervous system feel that everything is okay and they can relax. From attachment theory, this is similar to an infant feeling securely attached to their father or mother which allows them to explore their surroundings without worrying if their parents will suddenly abandon them. Jiu jitsu has taught me how to remain comfortable being uncomfortable. This is invaluable when exploring dark traumas and experiences that we normally avoid processing. This is the core of PTSD, avoiding anything and everything that will activate the memories connected to the trauma, but this avoidance keeps us stuck. By compassionately holding space without fear, I help my clients process what feels overwhelming and move forward. This goes beyond PTSD with most stuck points in life being related to a self denial that keeps us from moving forward. Yoga and mindfulness also allow me to support this presence through breathwork, movement, and connection with the body. As someone who grew up not understanding emotions, I learned through yoga and mindfulness meditation that emotions are seated in the body. They stem from sensations, and the more we connect with our body, the more we connect with our emotions. 

EK: You and I share previous professional experience with the addictions population. What were some of the most important lessons you took away from the years you spent in this world?

DC: Yes, I have worked at all levels of care in addiction treatment from residential, partial hospitalization programs, intensive outpatient, and outpatient. Two major takeaways significantly impact my work with this population: 1) the relationship between trauma, addiction, and connection 2) the Shame/Relapse relationship.  From my experience, addiction is simply a way to cope with overwhelming emotions caused by interpersonal trauma in most cases. These emotions may include overwhelming negative thoughts or beliefs about one’s self-worth, feeling powerless, hopeless, worthless, not enough, too much, unloved, or abandoned. Where connection fits into this is that all of these feelings are related to a sense of disconnection from others. They are isolating emotions, emotions that make people feel like no one can relate to them, or that no one would want to relate to them. This is why 12-step and other recovery based communities help people. It is not about the system itself as much as the human connection. Everyone needs a space where they can feel connected to others. When people have acted in ways that feel incredibly shameful in order to feel better (using substances) to escape their emotions, and negative beliefs about themselves, they fear no one would ever accept them. They are often more open to the possibility that other “addicts” can relate to them, but what they really seek is compassion. This may start with compassion from a therapist, then someone else in recovery, maybe a family member or friend, but the true path to healing lies with self compassion and being able to feel the emotions, reflect upon the past action, learn, and move forward in accordance with the values they aspire to. The Shame/Relapse relationship refers to the cycle that all addicts eventually experience of feeling overwhelming shame related to their actions related to their addictive behaviors to relieve their suffering temporarily. This shame becomes a new source of suffering, which leads to relapsing to alleviate the pain, which leads to more shame when they sober up, and continues the cycle. The key to breaking this cycle is acknowledging the shame without being overwhelmed, and working towards a life where they are compassionate to themselves, while still holding themselves to a standard of living in accordance with their values. It requires a rebirth, developing a new identity or sense of self where the option of relapse is no longer there because it does not align with their new identity. 

EK: Help us paint a picture of a common type of client you work with. What kinds of life challenges have they faced, and how are those challenges manifesting in their current lives?

DC: While I have worked with clients who share similar challenges at periods in my career, I have learned that even those with similar backstories, circumstances, or cultures can have dramatically different experiences, wants, and needs. In that sense, I feel like there are no common types of clients, but there does seem to be some universal human experiences/challenges that I have grown more adept at supporting. A few common human experiences include feeling misunderstood, and like an outsider, as well as feeling “not good enough.” I work with people of all genders, cultural and ethnic backgrounds, and neurotypes (Autism, ADHD/ADD, OCD, PTSD, etc…) and have found these challenges to be common among all walks of life. When there are feelings of being alone, misunderstood, not good enough, or unworthy, clients find ways to cope with these feelings that seem solutionless. This may lead to feelings of anxiety, depression, self criticism, low self-esteem, and fear to name a few. It is my belief that all of these feelings offer valuable insights into what the person wants, and needs if we’re able to stay with them and listen. However, when people have difficulty with distress tolerance and emotional regulation, they often turn to whatever they can to help them escape the negative feelings. Common coping strategies include using mind altering substances, social media, video games, binging media, codependency, shopping, gambling, over or under eating, self-harm, extreme self-judgment/criticism, sex, porn, and many more high dopamine behaviors. These coping strategies lead to a progressive loss of enjoyment in life as regular activities feel less exciting due to the excessive use of cheap dopamine behaviors that desensitize the person to normal life. This also can lead to increased feelings of shame, feeling misunderstood, and alone in their suffering. My job is to help support gaining perspective of their situation, how their strategies are interrelated, and how we can shift their internal system to support what really matters to them through healing the pain so they do not have to “cope” but can hear the wisdom of their feelings and live their life in alignment with their values. 

EK: What is your personal perspective on how the “change process” works in psychotherapy?

DC: Change happens in altered states. What I mean by this is that when people are in their “normal state” they operate based on their conditioned behaviors, mostly on autopilot. In normal life, they only leave their “normal state” when something exceptionally novel (new, mind activating) occurs that gives them a shift in perspective. This is why psychedelic therapy, and psychedelic use has been an area of research that has gained traction lately as people are seeing the benefits of these altered states of consciousness. In psychotherapy, the therapist can induce an altered state through breathwork, hypnosis, somatic focus, framing things differently, coregulating with the person, and many other techniques. To support the change process, my job as the psychotherapist is to help the person relate to their experience differently, to make the subconscious conscious, and to support the possibility of living differently. People are often held back by self-limiting beliefs. “If you think you can, or think you can’t, you’re right.” By helping people see beyond their self limiting beliefs, and experience a felt sense of something different, the possibility of change becomes a reality. To feel different, we have to live differently. 

EK: You have extensive training and background in Internal Family Systems. How did you originally find your way to IFS therapy? What speaks to you about this approach? What does your IFS work look like in action?

DC: I was initially exposed to IFS in graduate school. It seemed very different from any other therapeutic modality I had been exposed to at the time, and piqued my curiosity. As someone who had struggled with shame, the nonpathologizing approach resonated as a better way to work with addiction and trauma (i.e., my key areas of interest at the time).  I read many books on the subject, but still had difficulty with the approach in practice. For years I applied to IFS level one training lotteries until I finally was lucky enough to get an opportunity to learn from lead trainer Pamela Krause. The approach helps us break the cycle that is so common of 1) Overwhelming emotion/thought/belief (often stemming from trauma/hurt), 2) Attempts to cope through stimulating dopamine (often through addictive behaviors like substance use, social media, video games, binge watching, food, sex, etc…), 3) Guilt/shame/negative thoughts — potentially hiding the behavior from others or denying the severity of it to ourselves, 4) Cycle repeats.  IFS views our internal world as a system where everything is happening for a reason if we’re curious enough to explore the origins. This can help find what really is causing pain, and needs healing in order to create a system wide shift. Systems thinking involves understanding that if one thing changes, everything needs to change to maintain balance. We can’t simply “stop the bad habit” without core beliefs changing as well. In action, IFS looks like starting with mapping a client’s system (e.g., noticing how different parts of them show up, and play off one another internally such as a part that binge eats to cope with feeling alone, and another part that criticizes harshly when this happens out of a fear that binging will increase feelings of aloneness due to social judgment/rejection), once the big picture is better understood, we focus on whatever part is showing up most strongly and work to better understand it working with however it shows up for that person (e.g., behaviors, thoughts, emotions, sensations, etc…), and we work on fostering curiosity and compassion toward the part to go deeper. This provides a first step towards healing self-limiting/negative beliefs that drive the protective parts. Once we heal these beliefs, we can reimagine ways of living in the world and shift protective behaviors such as self-criticism to self-coaching, and binging to mindful eating etc…

EK: What else is important for readers to know about you?

DC: I have an extensive background in martial arts, competitive sports, and professional e-sports/gaming. While I work with people of all walks of life, I particularly enjoy working with artists, athletes, gamers, and people living with neurodifferences like ADD/ADHD, and Autism. I am nonjudgmental, and happy to support nontraditional lifestyles. Thank you for the opportunity to share some of my story Ellis! I appreciate you so much!